The Hardest Choice
by Alidiabin
Summary: Set between Reunion and The Inside Man. Ziva has one lasting reminder of her time in Somalia. She has to make the hardest choice. Warning mentions rape, abortion and swearwords. AU.


Disclaimer: I own nothing

**The Hardest Choice**

Ziva sat in her car. She looked at the door of the Northwest DC women's clinic. A woman walked out with another one her eyes were empty and her hand rested on her stomach. She looked at the clock in the car 4:15 she had managed to get a late appointment and even made up a good excuse about leaving early claiming she had a doctors appointment which technically was not a lie. She opened the door of her car. She trembled as she got up. She opened the door of the clinic. The receptionist looked up at the latest patient.

"Ziva David" Ziva said she had considered using a fake name but she decided against it.

"4:20" the young receptionist said, "Take a seat"

Ziva sat down the waiting room was empty except for two women. One sat with a man and both of them were in tears.

"Why us" the blonde woman cried. "Why us Cody" she cried into his shoulder.

"Karen we can have another baby" the man said, "We can do gene replacement and everything we can have a perfectly healthy baby" Karen's lip shook. A teenage girl walked out of the hallway. Her friend hugged her.

"It's ok Lucy," she said.

"Can I go home?" Lucy cried, "Please Melody take me home"

"Is she allowed to go" Melody asked.

"Yes" the middle-aged nurse said. "Ziva" she called.

Ziva walked down the hall she had agonized over this decision for the past week since she found out she was pregnant. She had read every leaflet she could. She had imagined raising a baby alone. She imagined giving it up for adoption. She imagined an abortion. She had never had a stance on abortion but had seen it as the only way. Her body was barely strong enough to walk up the two sets of stairs to get to her room in the Navy Lodge. Her mind was not strong enough to know she was carrying the product of rape. She had been unable to tell anyone about this. She could not tell Gibbs after all he had buried a child and would be flooded with pain if she told him what she was doing. Ziva knew Abby and McGee were against abortion. She and Tony were also not quite speaking. Of her, other friends she was sure Courtney Krieger was against abortion and her elderly friend Doris who had been her neighbor for her first three years in DC had buried a child. She had called Jordan Hampton Ducky's 'friend' in the end and she had explained exactly what would happen and been sworn to secrecy.

Ziva lay on the exam table in a hospital gown.

"Ziva" a woman said, "I'm doctor Mathews but you can call me India"

"Like the country" Ziva asked.

"Yes" the African American replied, "I have a sister named Kenya and a brother named Jordan" Ziva lay silently "My parents named us after countries they wanted to visit," she said. "What about you where did Ziva come from"

"It's Hebrew for Splendor and is the female version of Ziv" Ziva said "my father wanted a boy"

"Oh" India said. "Now Ziva I'm going to" India paused.

"Do it" Ziva said closing her eyes she didn't need to see India standing there.

_She closed her eyes and saw Salim's face. _

"_Jew bitch," he said pulling down his pants. Ziva looked up at him. He ripped her pants down. She forced herself not to scream. A few days of isolation later, another man walked in. _

"_Hello" he said. Ziva looked up at him. He always came to tend to her wounds he always brought food. Ziva was beginning to trust him. "You remember me yes. I'm Yafir" Ziva nodded. He looked at her exposed body. He touched her face. "I'll be gentle," he hissed. Ziva looked away. She woke hours later to loud and vulgar discussions in Arabic. _

"_I raped the Jew Bitch," Yafir said. The other men cheered. Ziva let tears run down her face. _

_Many weeks later, she lay in a hospital bed at Bethesda. The past hour had brought a stream of people. A nurse was monitoring her urine output and a physical therapist was reading her notes. She had been through various x-rays and scanners. Ziva could see Gibbs and various other members of the team outside. Her doctor Delta Banks walked in with another woman who Ziva didn't recognize. _

"_Ziva I need to talk to you," Delta said. Ziva shifted and the physical therapist and nurse walked out. _

"_You are pregnant," Delta said. "Six weeks along" _

"_I'm goanna be sick" Ziva replied. She was in shock. The other woman handed her a bowl. Ziva threw up. _

"_Ziva this is April" Delta said, "She's a counselor she specializes in pregnancy" April handed her a collection of leaflets. _

"_We caught the pregnancy early we have lots of options" April begun. Ziva just looked at April of everything she had been through in last few months the last thing she needed was this. _

"You can open your eyes now" India said, "its done"

"Did you parents visit those countries?" Ziva asked.

"They will" India said, "My sister and brother have saved up so they can go on the trip we decided since they put us through college we should pay for them to go on a trip"

"That's nice," Ziva said sitting up on the bed.

"We advise counseling sessions" India said. "But not everyone comes back"

"Is this an invitation to talk" Ziva asked looking away.

"Yeah" India said a smile erupting on her face, "You called my bluff"

"I was" Ziva paused. "Ra-"

"Raped" India finished. "Was the rapist convicted?"

"He was killed" Ziva replied. Suddenly she felt like she was in one of the sessions she had to be in to get the abortion signed off. "I don't want to talk about this any longer"

"Very well" India said. "I didn't want to upset you" Ziva went behind the screen and got changed. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Tell me I did the right thing," Ziva whispered.

"You did the right thing" India said "For you" Ziva walked out fully dressed. India lead Ziva back out. Just as when she had come in Ziva walked out of the clinic alone.

Ziva rushed into the Navy Lodge avoiding the young men who wanted to invite Ziva for coffee or drinks. She reached the bed and curled up wrapping her arms around her sore and broken body. She let the tears she had kept back fall. She cried until her eyelids were rough and red. Then she screamed into her pillow. She wrapped her hands round her empty stomach crying over the hardest choice she ever had to make.

A/N: I have read on many profiles that many people on this site are against abortion. I am pro-choice. Women have the right choose especially in cases of rape and incest and when the mother or child could be in danger.

I hope I did not offend anyone with this story.


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